Pouring Out Your Heart

The rain was pouring down over my vehicle as I ran errands on Monday. As I drove, my thoughts drifted to our Sunday School lesson from the previous day. It was the first lesson in the book of
1 Samuel. The story was of a woman named Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, but throughout her marriage had been unable to have children. On one of her family's yearly trips to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the Lord, Hannah entered the temple to pray. It says in verse 10 of chapter 1 in 1 Samuel, "She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly." We are also told that she was so distraught and passionate in her prayer that the high priest thought that she was drunk. After he approached her and was explained the situation, he encouraged her, and she left encouraged with hope and peace.

As this story resonated in my heart, I thought about an afternoon several weeks ago. I was in the midst of having my thyroid biopsy done and waiting for results. I didn't have details of anything, and the fear of the unknown was paying its tole on me. I was struggling with fear and anxiety. I was struggling in accomplishing my daily task and keeping my eyes on my Savior. I was struggling with a very attitudish preteen know-it-all. It all came to a head that afternoon, and I needed to escape. I laced up my shoes, put in my ear buds and ran. As I ran the tears flowed, and I poured my heart out to God. I told God I was angry... I didn't want to have to deal with this...I didn't want this interruption. I told God I was afraid...that there was so much I wanted to do..I need to homeschool...what about my kids...what about ministry opportunities. AND, if I was going to have to deal with physical stuff right now, could my preteen just be a little easier to deal with??? My faced was streaked with sweat and tears, my breathing was heavy, and the words were audible as I poured our everything that was in my heart. I was truly hoping that no one would drive by because surely they would think I had lost it.

As I prayed, a calmness came over me, and by the time I got back to my house, I was OK.  Like Hannah, my situation at that time had not changed. Yet, God met me and reminded me of His promises.The promises of God offer hope that lead to peace.

I think that many times we are afraid to really pour our hearts out to God...to be honest with Him about our thoughts and feelings. He knows everything about us, including the number of hairs on our heads and the thoughts in our minds. God knows that the effects of sin on this earth are real, and sometimes life is hard and messy. He is abounding in love and full of mercy and grace. God wants to meet us in our messiness. He wants to give us that hope and peace that we only find through pouring our hearts out to Him and trusting His promises. He does not expect perfection from us because He was perfection for us.

Scott Sauls writes it best in his book Jesus Outside the Lines, "Jesus wants to fix everything that's broken about us and everything that's broken around us. But before he does this, he wants us to know that he is with us and for us in what's broken about us and around us. He shares in our situation." How encouraging to know that we are not alone in this messy life! I pray that as you pour your heart out to God, that He give you hope and the peace and strength that come only through Him.