I always look at a new year with excitement. For me, it's a fresh start. A clean slate. An opportunity to set new goals and strive to improve.
This year, as the new year approached, the same feelings were present. 2020 did a number on many families and mine was not immune to the troubles and trials and loss. I looked at 2021 much like other years, a fresh start. After the exhaustion on 2020, I think we all probably longed for new opportunities.
I was surprised, however, when I awoke on New Year's Day with a heavy heart. A deep sadness had set in that overshadowed the excitement that a new year normally brings. As I dug for the root of that sadness, I realized I was grieving starting the new year without my oldest brother, and January 2020 was where our journey through his illness and all the aches and pains of last year began.
I've had to deal with those feelings, and I am learning through all the losses, illnesses, disagreements, political unrest, racial tension, and every other thing that caused a heavy heart through 2020- MINDSET IS KEY.
I am thankful for Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts that I read several years ago. It has helped shape my thinking and probably has helped me endure various trials without losing my mind. What I've learned from that book is perspective. If we focus on the bad, the loss, the negative, the lies--- our outlook will be tainted by negativity. If we focus on the good, the positive, the love, the Truth--- our outlook will be flickered with positivity and hope. 
Training our minds to positivity is no easy task. When we turn on the TV- negativity. When we scroll through social media-again, lots of negative although some positivity seeps in. Loss, hurt, and pain are real. It is so easy to drift to negativity and get stuck in a place of pessimism and feel there will never be change.
I get it! I deal with fighting negativity every day, and sometimes it wins. We don't have to be perfect in our quest for positive thinking to see light. We just have to make small steps toward counting our gifts, and in making those small steps, our perspective begins to change. Sometimes that change comes quickly. Sometimes that change in mindset takes time. And sometimes we are going to make great strides only to fall back into the valley. Just don't stop climbing. Keep seeking. Keep searching truth, and you will again be able to sit on a dreary rainy cold day and feel joy. Don't get discouraged today if you are in a dark place. Acknowledge it. Feel the sadness or whatever feelings are there, but strive not to stay there. Even when you don't feel it and darkness floods your soul and you feel no hope, the truth is that you are loved more than you know and there is a God who holds you and cares about you even when you are angry at Him. I know because I've been there- angry with disbelief and yelling at God. Where I was unfaithful, He is always faithful to forgive, and He never has left me alone in my places of anger and disbelief. He graciously finds me and pulls me back into the fold.
Today I am thankful for a Faithful Father, joy on a cold dreary day, and forgiveness.
