One Week

One week ago today I walked into the hospital a little anxious about the surgery that I was about to undergo. I had never had surgery before and was not too thrilled with the idea of being put to sleep and everything being out of my control. I took a deep breath as I was guided to my pre-op room. As I laid down on the bed, a calmness came over me. Every staff member that came in that room was so kind and caring. Finally my husband was brought to my room, and as we waited for the nurse anesthetist to come in, he handed me my phone. I was humbled and blessed as I read the messages and prayers from my family and friends. God's peace surrounded me as they took me back to the operating room, and the next thing I remember was waking up to a sore and scratchy throat.

The past week has been filled with many ups and downs. Of course after surgery, there is going to be pain mixed with some nausea and lots of grogginess. I do, however, remember the wonderful feeling of walking through my door at home and feeling that pain level drop just a bit because I was home with my little family. There was still anxiety because even though the doctor told my husband everything looked good, we still didn't have the pathology report. There was stress from the surgery, and then the unexpected happened. The very weekend that I had surgery, some not so good things were happening at my husband's job, and he found himself resigning. I was broken and numb and stressed and thinking, "Can we not just get a break!" Just when we thought that one thing was behind us... BUT, in the midst of the pain from surgery, the stress of knowing Chris would be looking for a new job, and the anxiety of waiting...there was good. So, in the midst of recovering from surgery, I continued to count gifts...my mom...successful surgery... awesome doctors and nurses...caring family and friends...prayers...meals...pain meds...God's promises to cling to in trying times...my mom, dad, and brother coming to stay with me for a while Sunday morning.

Yes, there have been tears in the past week, but there has been joy also. Yesterday was my followup appointment. My surgeon opened the door and set the pathology results in my husbands hands. "You are all clear. It was benign!" I did not realize how anxious I really was until the weight lifted off my shoulders. And today, one week after surgery, I headed out for a walk which resulted in a 2 mile walk and JOG! And I praise God! I praise God for life today! I praise God for victories today! None of us know what the future holds for us, but if we are given today, embrace every minute of it. Yes, we will face the bad, but there will be good mixed in with the bad if we look for it. I praise God that He promises to provide and be near to us in whatever we are facing. I trust that whatever you are going through, that you will see light in the midst of darkness. That you will find blessing even in the hard times. One day God will make everything right. There will be no more physical pain, no more cancer, no more suffering, no more murders, and no more tears. He has won the final victory, but as we wait for the day that He makes everything right, embrace the victories of today and trust through the trials.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

Pouring Out Your Heart

The rain was pouring down over my vehicle as I ran errands on Monday. As I drove, my thoughts drifted to our Sunday School lesson from the previous day. It was the first lesson in the book of
1 Samuel. The story was of a woman named Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, but throughout her marriage had been unable to have children. On one of her family's yearly trips to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the Lord, Hannah entered the temple to pray. It says in verse 10 of chapter 1 in 1 Samuel, "She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly." We are also told that she was so distraught and passionate in her prayer that the high priest thought that she was drunk. After he approached her and was explained the situation, he encouraged her, and she left encouraged with hope and peace.

As this story resonated in my heart, I thought about an afternoon several weeks ago. I was in the midst of having my thyroid biopsy done and waiting for results. I didn't have details of anything, and the fear of the unknown was paying its tole on me. I was struggling with fear and anxiety. I was struggling in accomplishing my daily task and keeping my eyes on my Savior. I was struggling with a very attitudish preteen know-it-all. It all came to a head that afternoon, and I needed to escape. I laced up my shoes, put in my ear buds and ran. As I ran the tears flowed, and I poured my heart out to God. I told God I was angry... I didn't want to have to deal with this...I didn't want this interruption. I told God I was afraid...that there was so much I wanted to do..I need to homeschool...what about my kids...what about ministry opportunities. AND, if I was going to have to deal with physical stuff right now, could my preteen just be a little easier to deal with??? My faced was streaked with sweat and tears, my breathing was heavy, and the words were audible as I poured our everything that was in my heart. I was truly hoping that no one would drive by because surely they would think I had lost it.

As I prayed, a calmness came over me, and by the time I got back to my house, I was OK.  Like Hannah, my situation at that time had not changed. Yet, God met me and reminded me of His promises.The promises of God offer hope that lead to peace.

I think that many times we are afraid to really pour our hearts out to God...to be honest with Him about our thoughts and feelings. He knows everything about us, including the number of hairs on our heads and the thoughts in our minds. God knows that the effects of sin on this earth are real, and sometimes life is hard and messy. He is abounding in love and full of mercy and grace. God wants to meet us in our messiness. He wants to give us that hope and peace that we only find through pouring our hearts out to Him and trusting His promises. He does not expect perfection from us because He was perfection for us.

Scott Sauls writes it best in his book Jesus Outside the Lines, "Jesus wants to fix everything that's broken about us and everything that's broken around us. But before he does this, he wants us to know that he is with us and for us in what's broken about us and around us. He shares in our situation." How encouraging to know that we are not alone in this messy life! I pray that as you pour your heart out to God, that He give you hope and the peace and strength that come only through Him.