One of THOSE Days

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the kind of day where things just don't go right or at least the way you want them to go. A day kind of like this-

I was already dealing with a difficult and emotional situation. As my husband is leaving for work, he wakes me to inform me that we have no water. He would call someone to come find the problem. So, I get up and give thanks (#871 in my gratitude journal) for antibacterial and cleansing face and hand wipes that I had left over from a trip. Finally the person comes to check our pump and informs me that I need an electrician, but they will not be here until after lunch. Well, I decide to head to town because I had errands to run anyway. Lunch turns out pleasant, but when we get in the store- not so pleasant. My little kiddos were more concerned about chasing each other around the store than in obeying their mom. Finally I got what I needed and headed to our vehicle not very happy. I proceed to call my husband to find out the status of the water situation at home when I notice a shopping cart 2 rows over rolling toward my parked vehicle. Thinking I might stop it, I jumped out just in time to watch it plow into the back of my vehicle. Really?? Instead of being thankful that it didn't cause damage, I was fuming. I marched that cart to the return, stomped back to my car, and slammed the door. When I looked back, I was met with the wide, stunned eyes of my kids. Then I realized what a perfectly imperfect mess I really am. 

I have all these blessings surrounding me, and all it takes is no running water at my house, rowdy kids, and a shopping cart to make me "Unglued" as Lysa Terkeurst calls it in her book on "making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions" (which, by the way, I am reading). 

We sat in silence for several minutes. Then I explained to my kids what happened, and I confess that my response was wrong. I apologize, and as a family, we agree to try to help one another.

It is so easy for me to get caught up in what is going on instead of "looking unto Jesus" (Heb. 12:2). This life is so full of struggles and trials, yet in Christ so full of grace and areas to grow in Him. When I am so concerned about a difficult situation that I let simple things throw me over the edge, am I really trusting God in that situation? Probably not! 

In our Sunday school class on the Gospel- shaped marriage our teacher has been talking about how the Gospel changes everything. This past Sunday he was teaching some about the progress of the Gospel. Colossians 2:6-7 caught my attention. " As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving." There it was again- with THANKSGIVING. Yes. Faith and thanksgiving. And yes, thanksgiving even in the trials and struggles and even on one of THOSE days. I have Christ- give thanks. I am covered by His grace- give thanks. I am loved with an unconditional love and forgiven- give thanks.

Oh Lord, please continue to help me make thanksgiving a way of life. Thank you for progress- "imperfect progress". (Lysa Terkeurst says, "Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace... imperfect progress.") 

#872- God's grace and forgiveness when I mess up.

Falling Apart

1 Peter 5:6-7- "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

There is a certain word that just the mention of it causes me to feel like my heart has dropped into my stomach. The word- cancer. Cancer has touched the lives of more of my family and friends than I care to count or mention. It's a diagnosis that causes fear, anxiety, and just the unknown. Now again, I have learned of someone who is very dear to me facing the battle with cancer. 

I would love to be able to tell you that when learning of this, I kept me composure, remembered Bible verses for strength, and prayed. Let me be real though. I needed air (outside, fresh air), so I headed for the door. As I was walking out, my husband asked, "Where are you going?" My response, "To fall apart." So I walked and reminded myself to BREATHE. The tears came, and I heard the door behind me open and close and footsteps. My husband caught up with me and held me as I broke. My words to him, "I just need time to process this, and to be angry, and to deal with this. I hate, Hate, HATE cancer!" Yes, that was my real response. Anger that because of the sinful state of this world we endure so much pain and hurt. Hate that this disease causes so much hardship.

My husband just lovingly held me as the tears flowed and I ranted about someone else I love being diagnosed with this disease I hate. He didn't correct me or tell me my response was wrong. Just responded, "I know." I had my moment. I fell apart, but I did have hope. I have hope because in my weakness, my God makes me strong (2 Corinthians 12:9) He has proved Himself to me so many times. When I fall apart, He graciously puts me back together again. When I feel as though I cannot handle any more, He gives me the strength that I need. I have hope because I have truth that I can cling to despite the trials and struggles of this life. 

As we walked back into the house my husband looked at me and said, "You know, we are blessed." Yes. Blessed. We are blessed. I. am. blessed. Philippians 4:6 came to mind. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." As I got in my bed Friday night, I grabbed my journal and started counting gifts and giving thanks.

# 860 Clean floors and fresh sheets

# 861 Smile on my girls face and her 

thankful heart as she got treated to a pedicure

#862 Opportunity to show kindness to a stranger in need

#863 My husband's loving arms around me 

when my tears flow and my heart is breaking

#864 My gracious God who picks me up and 

puts me back together when I fall apart.

#865 Time

Life Changing

There are several times in my life that I look at as life changing moments. Over the past few months, God has been taking me through a process where I have learned some life changing lessons. Today, I would like to share some of the life changing moments in my life in hopes that you may find encouragement, strength, and hope in some of the books and songs that have helped me grow in my spiritual walk with Christ.

The first real life changing moment in my life was loosing my father to cancer when I was very young. This is a situation that I still learn from today, but as a young girl, I learned that no matter the situation, God is with you and will not leave you. Thankfully, I have a Mom who directed me to take my sadness to Christ and rely on Him for comfort and peace. Through this situation, I also learned some of the goodness and grace of God as He provided me with a Daddy who loves me as his own. My mom gave me a memory book in which she included the words to an old hymn which has become my "go to" song in difficult times. The words to "Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right" have proven to be a comfort to me many times. Sovereign Grace Music has a beautiful arrangement of this song that gets played over and over again in my car. 

Another life changing moment occurred when my family lived in Greenville. I was 11 years old and had just heard a sermon by Mr. Dan Johnson. After the sermon, he took time to talk and pray with me, and I became a child of God. The time in Greenville was a wonderful time of friendships and my life being full of many missionaries and mission-minded Christians. That is something that I think has cultivated the love of missions/ ministry that I have today.

Now, we fast forward through several years. At 19, I went through some trials that God used to grow me in Him. He placed me in the right place at the right time with the right people. I was struggling with relationships and ended up at a Campus Crusade for Christ conference. You see, Debbie Jones and Jackie Kendall had written a book called "Lady in Waiting". Jackie Kendall was one of the speakers at the conference. I got the book, and it's teachings have greatly impacted my life. The book is based on the story of Ruth, and it's all about finding your satisfaction in Jesus Christ - not relationships with others. I have several quotes from this book that I love, but one is, "Anything other than a love relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, regardless of how good that thing may be, will bring discouragement and disillusionment." Even though today I am married with 2 children, I still go back to this book because it focuses on your heart. 

Belize was a life changing adventure for me, but I talked about that in my last post.

When I returned from Belize, my life got busy. I entered the working world as a nurse, I got married, my husband and I worked together to build a house, we had 2 children, and eventually I became a stay at home/ homeschooling mom. We stayed active and busy in the church, but in the fall of 2012, I hit a slump. You see, there are times in my life that I have struggled with depression. This was one of those times, and it was as bad as hit had been. A time where you feel a dark cloud is over you , but you try to put on a happy face when you go out so others don't know your struggles. 

Thankfully, despite falling into my slump- I knew Who to cry out to for help. December was coming, and I have a love/ hate relationship with December. I love December because of Christmas- celebrating the birth of Christ, Christmas decorations and lights, and my birthday. I hate December because my father died on Christmas Eve, and despite the fact that it has been over 20 years, you can bet there will be moments when I revert back to that child who lost her father until my husband graciously points me back to reality. So my thought this past fall was, "If I am depressed now, December is going to be really, really bad." Little did I know that God was working on another life changing moment. 

In November, my mom emailed me a link about doing a Jesse Tree for Advent. She had found the idea and a Jesse Tree Advent Devotional by Ann Voskamp. I had never heard of Ann Voskamp or a Jesse Tree, but I needed this so I dove in. God used this to encourage me and get my mind off of myself and start thinking of and doing things for others. My December was the best one that I have had in quite some time. This was just the beginning though. Little did I know that Ann Voskamp is the author of a New York Times Bestseller. My mom gave me her book "One Thousand Gifts" for Christmas. The encouragement and teachings in this book are LIFE CHANGING. Voskamp encourages you to find joy in living of life of eucharisteo- thanksgiving. Thanking God for the gifts He gives because each moment He gives is a gift. She encourages you to keep a gratitude journal consciously numbering and writing down God's gifts to you each day and thanking God as you write. I can honestly say, it changes your perspective when you actively seek to thank God.  Ann Voskamp is an answer to my prayers as her encouragement speaks directly to my heart. Six months later and 847 gifts written in my journal, I am striving daily to find joy in actively thanking God for His gifts. If you are in need of encouragement from a gracious and compassionate person, please visit the online journal of Ann Voskamp here. 

The purpose of this blog is so we may be encouraged together. Please feel free to share any life changing moments and books, songs, or verses that God has used to encourage you in this walk of life. "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all, "

2 Corinthians 13: 14.