There is a certain word that just the mention of it causes me to feel like my heart has dropped into my stomach. The word- cancer. Cancer has touched the lives of more of my family and friends than I care to count or mention. It's a diagnosis that causes fear, anxiety, and just the unknown. Now again, I have learned of someone who is very dear to me facing the battle with cancer.
I would love to be able to tell you that when learning of this, I kept me composure, remembered Bible verses for strength, and prayed. Let me be real though. I needed air (outside, fresh air), so I headed for the door. As I was walking out, my husband asked, "Where are you going?" My response, "To fall apart." So I walked and reminded myself to BREATHE. The tears came, and I heard the door behind me open and close and footsteps. My husband caught up with me and held me as I broke. My words to him, "I just need time to process this, and to be angry, and to deal with this. I hate, Hate, HATE cancer!" Yes, that was my real response. Anger that because of the sinful state of this world we endure so much pain and hurt. Hate that this disease causes so much hardship.
My husband just lovingly held me as the tears flowed and I ranted about someone else I love being diagnosed with this disease I hate. He didn't correct me or tell me my response was wrong. Just responded, "I know." I had my moment. I fell apart, but I did have hope. I have hope because in my weakness, my God makes me strong (2 Corinthians 12:9) He has proved Himself to me so many times. When I fall apart, He graciously puts me back together again. When I feel as though I cannot handle any more, He gives me the strength that I need. I have hope because I have truth that I can cling to despite the trials and struggles of this life.
As we walked back into the house my husband looked at me and said, "You know, we are blessed." Yes. Blessed. We are blessed. I. am. blessed. Philippians 4:6 came to mind. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." As I got in my bed Friday night, I grabbed my journal and started counting gifts and giving thanks.
# 860 Clean floors and fresh sheets
# 861 Smile on my girls face and her
thankful heart as she got treated to a pedicure
#862 Opportunity to show kindness to a stranger in need
#863 My husband's loving arms around me
when my tears flow and my heart is breaking
#864 My gracious God who picks me up and
puts me back together when I fall apart.
#865 Time
prayers for healing.............Cancer is such a manifestation of the evil of our world.......I'm with you........HATE it too.......Karen
ReplyDeleteYou are a writer like your mama - your words are honestly spoken and wisely put back together. Thank you..Ms. Edith
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings at a time like this. You are indeed a gifted writer to be able to put your thoughts down just as you did. It was so good to see you on Sunday. Thanks for demonstrating what real faith is like. John O.
ReplyDeleteYour pain reaches deep and threatens to undo you. I know. I feel it too. We will get through this because the love of God reaches deeper than the pain. Thank you for your honest words. Mom
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