Love Wins

The past few days I've been silent...just not knowing what to say...sad...processing things...wanting to speak but not wanting to offend. First I'll say I am thankful...thankful for growing up in a family where everyone, regardless of skin color was welcome in our home. I had hoped each generation would become better at acceptance and equality. Then things happen...bad things...murder...riots...and that hope diminishes. And here we are in the midst of unrest, hurt, pain, turmoil, fear, feelings of injustice. Some are trying to be heard, to be the voice of change. Some are lashing out in anger over injustice and pain. Some are unfortunately taking advantage of a very sorrowful situation to accomplish their own selfish motives meanwhile diminishing the voice of those who truly just want to be the voice of change.

But then I get another glimmer of hope that yes, maybe the next generation will be better at this coming together than mine. That hope comes when my daughter picks up the phone to reach out to a friend to say she's thinking of him. To open the door to talk about how he feels. To let him know, we as a family care.

So, in the midst of everyone's opinions and emotions and the pain and the hurt and the injustice and the unrest and the fear, I will still hope that somehow, someway, good will come... Change will come, and we will be one step closer to seeing the heart of a person and not the color of their skin.

When I Cannot See

"For we walk by faith, not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7. 

Yes, this verse...it greets me every morning and stays with me till evening when my head hits the pillow and I fall asleep praying, questioning, begging, or just hoping and trusting because I don't know what to ask or say.

We've all heard the saying, "Life isn't easy." Sometimes those words reign truer than at other times. Sometimes the pain we feel and the pain around us just seem like it will just swallow us up. Just look at the headlines or the pain in your community or maybe even the pain in your own family. We don't have to look far to find injustice, pain, fear, and hurt. Sometimes it just seems to be everywhere.

What is the answer? Where do we find hope when life is falling apart around us? The answer for me is Faith. The definition of faith is "complete trust or confidence in someone or something. There are times in my life where I have put faith in different things. We put faith in doctors, leaders, friends, pastors, counselors, family, and many other people and things. Here is the thing, all these people and things will eventually let you down and honestly were not meant to carry the weight of being the object of our faith. Yes, we find encouragement and strength from these sources and we definitely have need of them in our lives. But, they cannot answer all our questions or give us the strength to get through the trials we face. Faith that gets us through trials and difficult circumstances is faith in a higher power. Faith in the Creator of the universe. Faith in the One who loves us so much that He gave His life for us. 

I don't understand everything that happens. I don't understand why so much pain and hurt has to visit, and yes, I do mouth the words, "Why God?" more times than I would like you to know. However, in the end, my faith rests in the promises of God- that He loves me, the He cares for me or whoever the person is going through that trial or loss, that He is for me, that He will work all things together for good even when it doesn't feel good, that He is working for a greater purpose than my feeble mind can see. That is what gets me through and allows me to do what I call my family's motto given to us by my mother's dear friend Jill, "Do the next right thing."

Whatever you may be going through- a health crisis, a family crisis, anxiety and stress related to the changes and fears around us these days, racial hurts, depressions, loss, and the list continues, I encourage you to have faith even when your eyes cannot see, and trust God to open your eyes to the good that is happening around you. I can promise in what may be really really bad, there is something good. So trust and look for those prayer warriors surrounding you, those offering physical support and help, the beauty of a flower, the call or text of a friend, the love of a stranger regardless of the color of your skin, a deep breath, a kind touch...It doesn't take away the pain or the hurt or the loss, but it does help us walk through the trial where we will be stronger on the other side even though now we just cannot see. 

It's Showtime

Let's start at the beginning. As a homeschool mom, I am always searching for opportunities for my kids that will enhance their social and community involvement as well as provide a chance for spiritual, mental, and academic growth. We joined 4-H this year and have enjoyed and learned from their opportunities. Several months ago I talked my family into going to their livestock day to learn more about 4-H's livestock programs. I was thinking chickens...we could do the chicken project. Well, my son was interested in the chickens, but my daughter and my husband came home talking about the steer project. Really! A cow! Have I mentioned I'm a little scared of cows. Yes, they intrigue me, but hose big animals are a little scary to me!

In June we brought home a 700 pound steer that K named Red. Within 5 minutes of being home, he broke through 2 fences which resulted in a 6 hour stand off in the field until experts arrived to help us get him home and reinforce the fences. Red finally decided that his new home wasn't so bad and within 3 weeks was beginning to learn to lead.

My girl researched and worked to figure out the right food, what supplies were needed, how to train this large animal, how to work with his hair, and show stances. Over the past 2 months she has spent hours upon hours training Red and working with his hair. Everything she has done, she has learned on her own and by talking to a friend who has some experience.

On Friday, we headed off to the Jr. Beef Round Up which was to start the steer project. I was a nervous wreck. This was a whole new show for all of us. The only things we knew about showing cattle was from what we had read and what we had watched on you-tube.

We arrived in Clemson, overcame some confusion in checking in, and got a very nervous Red unloaded (did I mentions he has not seen another cow in 2 months), got him weighed, and headed to the "stall" space which ended up being a tie out space with shavings in an open building with fans, radios, blowers, and cows everywhere. Yes, Red freaked out a little, my girl was anxious, and my stomach was in knots. Instead of help, all we got were stares. We finally got Red settled down, and we headed to set up our living space for the weekend. So thankful our trailer has living quarters which allowed us to stay at the arena.

Friday evening we sat with Red in the barn (apparently that is what you do at cattle shows) and Kristen took him for a walk. Red did better but of course was still nervous.

Saturday morning came. We headed out to the barn to feed, wash, and groom Red and prepare for the showmanship contest. Keep in mind this whole time, we haven't made any friends in the barn, everyone is doing their own things with no respect for other people's space or feelings. We were first-timers learning as we went. So thankful for the positive encouragement from a friend and my sister's reminder that growth comes from the uncomfortable places.

Finally, it was show time. Red was nervous and so was my girl. It would be their first time in the ring, and K had no training other than her own research. It started out OK, but Red quickly acted up and K just tried to maintain her composure. As her mom, my heart sank as she struggled to control her animal and combat disappointment and frustration. I knew their were tears as we quickly got out of the stands to go encourage her. So thankful my sister and brother-in-law were there for her.

Saturday evening we decide to leave for a while and go out to eat. We all needed a break from the cattle world. We came back, checked on Red, and K took him for a walk. He was acting up and she was tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, and just completely raw. We had a mother-daughter heart to heart complete with tears while her daddy worked with Red. I headed back to the trailer while K and her daddy finished with Red.

Sunday morning came, and we all had a new resolve. As I took my Victory Sports shirt out with I Cor. 15:57 on the back, I told K we were taking a little Victory Sports and Jesus up in that barn. Red was calm when we got there, and we actually had someone speak to us. We fed and washed Red and headed to the worship service. I was so thankful they had one because I desperately needed that encouragement. After the service, we needed to speak to one of the staff. Apparently a conversation I had with an assistant the day before (I had mentioned that we were struggling first-timers) had made it to this man. He immediately introduced us to a God send! This man took us under his wing for the rest of the day. He talked with Kristen, introduced us to kind people, explained how things work, helped K with Red, and gave lots of advice. Apparently we had set up on the wrong side of the barn with the cut throats from out of state. Anyway, everyone was more at ease. Red was still acting up a little before the steer show, but my girl had a different attitude. She lined up and walked in that ring with confidence. Red did better too. The highlight of the weekend was the smile on her face as she and Red walked out of that ring.

So, yes, the experience was painful.There were smiles and frowns, laughter and tears, struggles and triumphs. But, in the end, there was the joy of overcoming adversity and a family that stuck together relying on God for help and strength.

Thoughts from Jericho

Have you ever been faced with a daunting task? One that seemed just a little too big. One that made you feel uncomfortable, unqualified, and completely out of your realm. Magnify that feeling, and I'm sure that's how the children of Israel felt as they looked on the big walls of Jericho and thought, "How are we supposed to conquer that?!?"

Since life has slowed down a bit after school got out for summer break, I have enjoyed a little extra time in the Word other than my quick devotion and verse here and there during our busy school days. And let me just be honest in saying, God knows I need that extra time in His Word to keep me grounded and focused on His promises which I all to easily loose sight of.

Raising kids, homeschooling high schoolers, maintaining house and property, running from one sport to the next, juggling responsibilities, and the list goes on  can all seem a bit taxing. And some of you are facing challenges and responsibilities a lot more daunting than the normal day to day trials.

As I have been reading in Joshua, I came across one of my favorite verses, Joshua 1:9; and I desperately needed a reminder of this verse. It says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." What an awesome promise this is, and this was the promise God gave right before He was going to do tremendous things that would require total faith...like walk around the walls of Jericho. Really! Just walk and shout...Don't attack...Don't fight...Just walk, trust, and obey. God was going to fight the battle for them.

Here the children of Israel stood looking at the huge walled city. How? How were they going to tackle this? But God! He had a plan. It was a plan that would require total faith and obedience. A plan the would show His faithfulness, His power, and His might.

The children of Israel prepared to fight. They had God's promise that He was with them. But, as the Jesus Storybook Bible puts it, God's plan "wasn't about fighting; it was about trusting and doing what God said." So for days the children of Israel walked around the walls of Jericho. They waited on God's Word and for God to move- such faith to walk and wait- not taking things into their own hands that surely would have led to defeat. They waited and then obeyed when God said to shout. They trusted and obeyed which led to great victory. A victory orchestrated by God to accomplish His plan. Oh, to have that faith!

Oh Father, help me! Help me have the faith to trust, obey, and walk while waiting on You to work to accomplish Your plan through tasks that seem too big.

Take 2...Let's try again

This blog may have been silent for almost 2 1/2 years, but the life of this family has been anything but silent! I always heard that your life gets busier as your kids get older, but as I hustled after my children when they were younger, I never understood how that could be...until now! The life of traveling out of town to co-op classes; attending to church, family, and community responsibilities; adding karate and travel softball to the schedule;  preparing for 4-H projects; and bringing new animals to the homestead have made life feel out of control at times. How do you find a balance??? Over the past months the words, "If we can only get through the next 2 weeks..." have been verbalized countless times to my husband along with realization that it was time to re-prioritize. 

Seasons of our lives can be constantly changing. Even though the past 3 years have been extremely busy and challenging, they have also allowed many volunteer, ministry, and teaching opportunities. Anyone who knows me understands that I love missions and ministry opportunities. Knowing that some of these things would have to be cut. the thought of re-prioritizing was not one that I looked upon with excitement. I prayed for guidance and direction through this process. The thought that always came back was there are seasons...seasons to raise your children, seasons to homeschool, seasons of sports, seasons of ministry...and my season of homeschooling and having my children at home is winding down. With that realization staring me in the face during my daughters 9th grade year, my priorities became very clear. My children are my first mission. If I fail to minister to them, I am neglecting my main mission during this season in my life. God chose me to be there mom...I have the privilege of striving to lead them and guide them. I have the opportunity to be in their lives and not waste a minute. I have the responsibility of doing life with them through the ups and downs of teenage emotions and striving to help them find balance and meaning in life. 

So lets just be honest. The life of a homeschooling mom is not glamorous. We are with our children for the majority of the day. They see us at our best and at our worst, and we see the same in them. We are the target of their frustration, and they can become the target of ours. The sad reality is that sometimes it is so much easier to minister to others than to minister to our own, and I admit, that has been the case with me more times than I care to mention. As we come out of one of the busiest and hardest years of my homeschooling career, I am looking forward to some time this summer to rest, recover, and equip for the coming school year. There will be long drives to karate and softball practice. There will be many weekends at the softball field. There will be many hours in the yard not only training in respective sports but training horses, chickens, and a cow. There will be many opportunities and activities that will require a "Sorry, but no," answer from me. But this is my season...my season to embrace the next few years before me children fly the coop and become adults. Oh how I pray for the strength to find joy in each day, for direction in navigating the road of teenage emotions and attitude, for discernment in making the most of everyday despite what trials arise, and for our family to be a light to those around us and abound in love. 

Waiting in Hope

As December 1 rounded the corner, my heart longed for hope and rest. The trials and events of 2016 had taken their toll on me, and I was feeling a bit beaten up. When my grandfather suddenly passed away in November, I remember telling my husband, "I just don't think I can take much more." I know God promises to never put more on us than what we can endure, but I truly felt that I needed a break. My grandfather helped hold my little world together...he was that person that was a part of and reminded me of my biological father that I lost 30 years ago. When he died, my heart broke, and I truly felt that part of me was missing.

The anger began welling up inside along with frustration and doubt. The prayers that usually flowed freely from my lips became whispers for help. As I told my mom one day that the words just weren't there to pray, she recommended the hymnal. So I started with the hymns, which led to playing the piano, which led to singing, and slowly the worship followed which finally allowed the words to come again in praise to God. You see, even in the midst of pain and struggles, God blesses us with good.

As the advent season began, it represented for me a time of waiting and resting in the promises of God...A time of hope and longing for the restoration that we have through our Savior Jesus Christ and the coming fulfillment of His promise to return. So, as we wait in this imperfect world full of pain and struggles, we have promises of a God who loves us, who will never leave us, and who searches for us when we get lost in the hurt of this world. 

I trust the words of Ann Voskamp from Unwrapping the Greatest Gift will encourage you as much as they did me and bring hope to your soul-

"Because of His unconditional, unbeatable, unfailing, unwrappable love, your God refuses to give up on you. Your God looks for you when you're lost. Your God calls out for you when you're ashamed and broken and hurting. God doesn't run down the rebel. God doesn't strike down the sinner. God doesn't flog the failure.

"Whenever you fall, whenever you fall short, whenever you sin, your God whispers to you with a love that wraps around you like a gentle arm: 'Wherever you are, I will always come find you. Whatever you've done, I will always keep looking for you until My eyes see you, till My hands of healing reach you, till I can hold you close again to My heart.'

"No matter what the day holds, no matter how the season of your life unfolds, God holds you and enfolds you."

Wondrous Love

The air is pleasant as I sit in the warm sunshine by a river basking in the love of Jesus Christ. I just completed reading the book of Leviticus. I cannot even tell you the number of times I have started reading through this book of the Bible and quit midway because of getting bogged down in the rituals, sacrifices, and cleansing. I would move on to another book thinking, "Really, what does this have to do with me?" This time I was determined to get through it and prayed that God would, "Open my eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law." (Psalm 119:18)

As I have read through Leviticus this time, and yes, it can be confusing and difficult reading, I have been struck with the amount of work and faith it took the children of Israel to live a life that allowed God to abide in their presence.God is holy and just. He could not abide in their presence without the proper sacrifices and cleansings taking place to make atonement for the sins of His people. Therefore, the Israelites had to constantly abide by God's laws or face judgement and separation from Him.

As questions rolled through my mind-"How would my life be different if I was alive in that time period?" and  "How would I handle that lifestyle?"- My heart began to swell in thankfulness and praise to God for Jesus Christ. Jesus came to earth and lived that perfect lifestyle that none of us are capable of. He was spotless, perfect, and without blemish. He was the example of the lifestyle that God requires of each of us, yet we are unable to live because of sin. BUT GOD, in His awesome mercy and grace, and because of His amazing love for us, had a plan. He would allow His perfect Son without blemish to become that spotless Lamb that would be sacrificed for the sins of His people. He would become the ultimate sacrifice which would allow those who put their faith in Him to have a direct relationship with Him. There would no longer be a need for the constant shedding of blood to cover the sins of His people, and there would no longer be the veil that separated the people from God's presence. In fact, because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His Spirit would indwell every believer giving them direct access to a relationship with their Savior. Jesus Christ died...shed His blood...endured great pain and agony to become the sacrifice for my sins and the rest of the world when we were incapable of anything good. Everyone now has the opportunity to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ when they put their faith in Him.

How full of thankfulness and praise our hearts should be! We no longer have to live a life full of laws and rituals. We have direct access to a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ. And yes, He cares for each one of us and what is happening in our lives. He loves us enough to die for us, and He longs for a personal relationship with each one of us. For those of us who profess faith in Christ, our lives should spill forth hope to those around us. For those seeking faith or even unsure about Christianity, I want to encourage you that there is a God who loves you very deeply and who offers hope and peace for your soul.

May our hearts overflow with praise to God for His Son...

1 What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this that caused the Lord of bliss
to bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,
to bear the dreadful curse for my soul?

2 When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,
when I was sinking down, sinking down;
when I was sinking down beneath God's righteous frown,
Christ laid aside his crown for my soul, for my soul,
Christ laid aside his crown for my soul.

3 To God and to the Lamb, I will sing, I will sing,
to God and to the Lamb, I will sing;
to God and to the Lamb who is the great I AM -
while millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing;
while millions join the theme, I will sing.

4 And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
and when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on;
and when from death I’m free, I’ll sing and joyful be,
and through eternity, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
and through eternity I’ll sing on.